the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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