I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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