I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You may now shotgun with the bride
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
