This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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