I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
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You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
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three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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