No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
