my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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