no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
