Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
