We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
