i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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