all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
