her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
