Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
