it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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