There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
