I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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