ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
