"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize