I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
