Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
accomplished twins. life is a go
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
