I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
