I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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