I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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