I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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