it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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