I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I FOUND THE LEGS
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
