I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
