You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
