and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
