Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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