Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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