is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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