she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
