You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
