If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
