I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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