Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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