my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
