I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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