Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
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What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
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I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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