Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
