The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
