I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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