i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
