The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
