well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
