are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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