I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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