dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i dont even know how to be here
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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