after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
