her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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