my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
