you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
