Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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