Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
