We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
