so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
