i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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