She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
