We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
