So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
