turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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