He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
