She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My feet surprised me
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
