My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
