I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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