I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
