So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
